The Rock has come back.

Damn.  I knew what was coming, but when his voice first broke through the black of the arena, I broke out in goosebumps.  Then I rewound and re-watched and re-goosebumped.  Again and again and again.  Then because I have a lot of emotions, I started tearing up at the crowd’s cheering and screaming and collective wetting of pants.

The man has. not. changed.  Dramatic flair fully intact.  His pauses still last as long as a shark’s pregnancy.  I used to sometimes get annoyed with him for taking so bloody long to Layeth the Smacketh Down, what with his The People’s Eyebrow…The People’s Elbow…The People’s… The Rock’s not my favourite wrestler, but I looked forward to his matches all the same, because he’s not wrong when he toots his “electrifying entertainer” horn.

I love this part of his speech:

There is one man who The Rock is gonna see.  There is one man who The Rock has to see face-to-face.  A guy who I met.  A guy who I thought was a cool guy.  Wished him well.  Happy for his success.  When The Rock leaves, he comes in.  And, out of the blue, eventually, he starts talkin’ trash about The Rock.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  But I’m back now.  You might’ve heard of him.  His name is John Cena.

*Cena fans chant CeNation CeNation CeNation…*

So let me get this straight.  The WWE.  Has gone from.  The powerful Austin 3:16.  To the dominant and iconic Can You Smell What The Rock is Cookin’? ALL the way to: You Can’t See Me…  You Can’t See Me…  You Can’t See… What are you playing, peek-a-boo?  You can’t see me…I can see you…you can’t…can you see me?

Oh believe me, we ALL can see you.  We ALL can see you.

A blindfolded, sleeping, stuck-in-the-basement Stevie Wonder can see your monkey-ass.  How the hell you think we can miss?  You come out here with your bright-ass purple shirt and before that your bright green shirt before that your bright orange shirt you run around here lookin’ like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles!

John Cena, The Rock will see you at WrestleMania.

Laud the wrestler who puts hearts in my eyes and laugh at the wrestler who sent me into mourning for the days when WWE was still WWF?  Carry on, Rock, carry on.  Carry on taking as long as you want to complete your sentences and Layeth the Smacketh Down.

Right.  Stone Cold’s hosting the upcoming WWE Tough Enough, The Rock’s back and hosting the upcoming WrestleMania.  Looks like I’m going to be fitting wrestling into my schedule again.

Also, I’ve been waiting for April to arrive for quite a while now.  One reason, is my plan to get my grubby hands on an Austin 3:16 tee as a gift to myself for…uh…Easter?  Now I really need April to get with the programme and just get here already.  I also need to calm down…maybe.

Published in: on February 17, 2011 at 2:46 am  Comments (1)